Ways to annoy me on the subway
- Be on the subway.
- Hold onto the pole with the sleeve of your jacket as a germ-buffer like some weirdo who hasn’t heard of hand sanitizer. You look like a goddamn baby. You are in NYC and you’re afraid of germs? Just leave. Leave the island right now.
- Be a child who won’t stop staring at me.
- Be someone who doesn’t give up their seat to an old person.
- Rap/sing out loud.
- Panhandle.
- Bring your bicycle on the train and take up way too much space.
- Talk to me.
- Look at me.
may I also add:
- standing next to me while I’m sitting at the end and having your ass on my arm or your bag in my face
- if you’re a guy, standing in front of me so I have to stare at the floor in order to avoid direct contact with your crotch
- people who don’t give up their seats to preggos (screw the old hags, they can stand)
- staring at me like I have a booger
- sneaking a peek at your neighbor’s iPod, iPad, book, Nook or whatever techie device they’re on
- eating something gross that stinks up the subway car
- taking up more room than necessary in your seat
- sitting next to me in a spot that you clearly won’t fit but budge your ass into
I am that person sneaking a peek at your reading material. And judging you and/or posting it here. SORRY I’M NOT SORRY.
Just watch, tonight I’m posting a list of what people on my train were reading. Get ready.
